Motivation

I'm not really in a good mood
I don't really know why (I'm lying, of cause I know why)

Anyways, while being enraged with anger,
something random popped up in my head

Motivation
'The act or an instance of motivating, or providing with a reason to act in a certain way'

In life, what people need is motivation
Since life can be full of shit and life can be harsh where it pushes us down time and time again
We somehow need the comfort of other people motivating us

But the things is, as much as we want to be motivated,
We need to motivate others too

But in my case, as far as I can remember, it's the other way around
I play my role in helping my friends and motivating them (in the past)
But I never really got anything in return

I even motivated someone who was actually in an okay predicament,
Where-else I was in a very shitty situation at that time

So lately, I don't do much in terms of motivation
Faiz said that I've been harsh on the SDAR debaters
I didn't really motivate them

Well, that's the thing
I don't wanna motivate people much anymore

I live through life by accepting and embracing pain and happiness (if there's any)
I went through it by myself. I go through all the hardship by myself
I motivate myself (not in a dirty way, mind you)

I don't ask for people's pity or motivation
My life isn't really that wonderful, but it's fine and it will do

So if someone like me can do it.
Others can do it too

So, if I haven't been supportive lately,
Well, Man the fuck up. I'm not here to motivate





Just a random anger expression
and......
I wish some of the things I said were lies

A dream is a fantasy or a future reality?

A dream
I'm referring to the dream where people have when they sleep

I honestly don't know much about a dream
I'm sure there's science or explanation behind it

Lately, I've been experiencing weird dreams
Dreams related to people in my life

Some dreams are nice
But some dreams are plain weird

Some dreams I don't mind being real
But some, I hope will never happen

Is a dream a message from God?
Or is it truly just random?

Whatever it is, I hope my dreams won't get weirder
But then again, a dream is where the adventure is

So I guess, it's okay.
Let the dreams continue
Dreaming about more girls would be nice too ;)




"Now wait wait wait for me,
Please hang around,
I'll see you when I fall asleep"

I should be thankful

It's 13th August. It's 11.31 p.m
I'm currently lying purposeless on my bed, thinking about many things.

Despite many things running through my head now,
one thing in particular is dominating my thought process,
My parents

My dad is currently in Singapore,
My mum is upstairs, watching tv or maybe asleep.

Last January, I found out that my dad kept a lot of my childhood videos,
Videos that I never knew existed

Upon watching the videos, I feel sad and thankful
20 years I have lived in this world.
Of cause I owe it all to God that I'm still alive
But the way I'm raised, I owe it all to my parents

My life is pretty much good
I got everything I need

A room, gadgets, a car, proper education, allowance and most importantly, love and attention.
I have it all.

But at times, I feel that I don't deserve this
I'm not sure if I've been a good son to them
It even makes me think, will I ever be as good as them, parenting wise

Can I raise my child  (assuming I'll get married and have a child) nearly as good as how my parents raised me?
Can I provide him/her with the attention and proper love that parents gave?
I don't know and I'm afraid.

I remember last year, I lied to my parents about getting an offer to enter a University
Yes they were mad, but they didn't leave me to solve the problem
They troubled themselves to meet the foundation's management and begged for an alternative
And today I'm entering my 2nd semester because of them.

Both my parents are nearing 60 years old
I don't know how much longer I'll be with them
That's why, I'm trying my best to spend as much time as I can with them.

I love my parents and I'm thankful for everything they've done for me
Though they won't know about this post,
What ever happens, I'll pray for them and be by their side whenever they need me

                                                               (My Mum and Dad)



I hope that I'm a good enough son for them

Voices in my head

I hear voices in my headThey council meThey understandThey talk to me

You got your rules and your religionAll designed to keep you safeBut when rules start getting brokenYou start questioning your faith

I have a voice that is my saviorHates to love and loves to hateI have a voice that has the knowledgeAnd the power to rule your fate

I hear voices cryingI see heroes dyingI taste the blood that's dryingI feel tensions rising
I hear voices in my headThey council meThey understandThey talk to me, they talk to meThey tell me things that I will doThey show me things I'll do to youThey talk to me, they talk to me

All the lawyers are defenselessAll the doctors are diseasedAnd the preachers all are sinnersAnd police just take the greaseAll you judges you are guiltyAll the bosses I will fireAll you bankers will have lossesAnd politicians are all liars

I see darkness fallingI hear voices callingI feel justice crawlingI see faith has fallen



Voices in my head that guides me through life.This life can be so dark, why brighten it up? When you can embrace it.